What makes you uncomfortable in larp?

Community Larp discussion
#1

There was so much talk after the first Wolfgang game about how the sudden request of the host that all the guests perform something made people freak out. One comment was particularly rememberable: “I don’t think they realise how scary it is for some people to do public performance”. However, GMs perfectly understood it, which is why afterwards switched to “volunteers entertainers needed” option.

Now the dancing thread in Teonn apparently shows lots of people being uncomfortable with the idea of dance.

So I wonder if there are other actions people feel OOC upset about to do in larps?

#2

Interesting question :slight_smile: I’ve had some things described to me which have happened to other people that I would find uncomfortable; but in the end I guess it’s when something is sprung on you that you have no idea is coming that’s when uncomfortableness is more likely to happen.

The upcoming dancing at Teonn as an example; I would think nearly everyone that’s going has heard about this by now; so the players have had plenty of time to think of an excuse to not dance/be somewhere else when it happens (others like Captain Kate - apologies for singling you out Anna - I think will make a show of not wanting to and then “reluctantly” join in).

I wasn’t at Wolfgangs but if it was suddenly sprung on the players as well as the characters that they “needed” to perform then I can understand why some players would be uncomfortable with it (for the record it wouldn’t bother me unduly but I certainly couldn’t guarantee the quality of the performance!)

I’m rambling again (I have a habit of doing that). What I’m getting at is I think generally if the players know something is coming up, even if the characters don’t know about it, then it gives the players who don’t want to recite a poem/sing a song/take their clothes off/whatever can prepare in advance a reason/excuse not to do so.

I don’t want to provide specific examples of what I’ve heard which would make me uncomfortable (to protect the “innocent” :smiling_imp: ) but generally speaking these sorts of things - in my personal opinion - are a no-no:
[ul][li]Anything which involves one person restraining another outside of combat (as a part of combat I’m actually ok with this). I don’t mean holding your hands behind your back I mean a full on hold or tie of some kind.[/li]
[li]Any public depiction of a sexual act; save it for one on one, and only in extremely limited and consensual circumstances[/li]
[li]Nakedness. Let’s be honest, most of us aren’t the prettiest people around the place :wink: Keep your clothes on, folks :slight_smile:[/li][/ul]To be honest that’s all I can think of off the top of my head; things like full-on shouting contests, insults, racial slurs, public speaking/recitals/singing (although be warned; my singing voice is atrocious and I am not kidding!), or dancing are all fine - not exactly in my comfort zone, but all part of, and potential for, excellent roleplaying opportunities of the type you remember for years.

My 2c (plus several more)

Viperion

#3

Performing in public can certainly be quite scary and some people just won’t do it. I completely respect that :slight_smile:

With regards to compulsory stuff, it was much more appropriate for the GMs to have that expectation in Wolfgang’s. All the players were supposed to share a common cause, which is pretty unique in my experience with LARPs. Though there choice to ‘back-off’ just shows that we’re all pretty considerate :slight_smile:

If I were to use Teonn as a point of comparison, you’ll likely find that there is nothing compulsory so you can just say no if you don’t want to do it. Saying yes is usually more fun, but everyone has there own limits.

With regards to the broader idea of what makes you uncomfortable, it all depends on the context. I might be willing to play a more intimate relationship or scene with someone that I know and trust outside of the game. If I only just met you, or we don’t really gel IRL, it’s quite possible that advances of that nature in-game might make me uncomfortable. I could go through other examples, the short answer for me is that it just depends :wink:

Things that make me uncomfortable universally speaking is stuff that happens OOC. For example, I’d hate to have spectators just watching a LARP. I’d also be uncomfortable if people had an argument or fight OOC during a game.

#4

If you don’t want to perform in public, don’t

Or, if you’re just a bit uneasy, look at doing something in a group, where you won’t be the center of attention.

#5

Ah, that is actually a very good point about pre-arranged vs sudden! I didn’t think of it, thanks Viperion, that certainly makes sense. I am one of those people who got so scared when we were suddenly told we need to perform, and not actually so much because of performing but simply that I didn’t have anything prepared.

I dunno even how to say… what would you consider an inacceptable degree of nakedness? :mrgreen: Arms, belly, some legs and a bit of cleavage ok? I was planning to do bellydancing at Teonn, but if that’s too disturbing feel free to turn away from that indecent view.

Nick - I think it’s actually the general thing rather than the game-specific, in Wolfgang we had sorta compulsory stuff at first, but then it became optional, so it wasn’t “everyone have to have a confession”, but players could choose. Considerate indeed, everyone happy 8) Though I must admit the Catholic mass at the very first game was an unforgettable thing, it’s a pity we didn’t have them later, but I guess maybe not everyone were as interested as me in staying in there.
I think any larp has the “if this makes you OOC uncomfortable - it’s ok to not do it”,

Agreed! Sometimes one needs to take a challenge to get special fun. Frankly speaking, in larps it almost always pays well, as challenges bring unexpected plots :smiley: In Teonn players would say “there is no LAW which says I have to do that”, so it may be easier for them to reject the challenge, but I hope we’ll have people who would be taking it too 8)

:smiley:

#6

I dunno even how to say… what would you consider an inacceptable degree of nakedness? :mrgreen: Arms, belly, some legs and a bit of cleavage ok? I was planning to do bellydancing at Teonn, but if that’s too disturbing feel free to turn away from that indecent view.[/quote] :mrgreen: Arms, legs: Totally fine. Bit of cleavage: Grey area depending on your definition of “bit” and how it may differ from mine :wink: Belly: again a grey area but usually if you’re willing to show your belly off in public then it probably would be ok.

Beauty (or lack thereof) is of course in the eye of the beer-holder, and as you say if it does get uncomfortable for me (or anyone else) they are of course welcome to look away. When I said “nakedness” that is pretty much exactly what I meant - not that I think it likely to happen! Stripping down to say t-shirt and underpants (what kind of game are we playing!?!) wouldn’t - probably - make me too uncomfortable, but anything more (less?) than that definitely would.

Viperion

#7

Well, if you see any topless guys just look away :slight_smile: Probably wouldn’t be any topless girls, as the one whose bra was accidentally ripped off last weekend game during the fight has now made a much more solid costume.

#8

[quote=“Aiwe”]Well, if you see any topless guys just look away :slight_smile:[/quote]I plan to :slight_smile: Unless they look more like Dutch than This Guy :wink:

[quote]Probably wouldn’t be any topless girls, as the one whose bra was accidentally ripped off last weekend game during the fight has now made a much more solid costume.[/quote]I hope not; that sort of thing is just embarrassing for all involved, or should be, IMO

Viperion

#9

I’ve been to two larps in the last year where at least one guy was wearing little more than a loin cloth. One of them was the first Teonn, so I wouldn’t be so sure that people aren’t willing to go there!

Of course, in late May, I suspect people will be a lot more covered up.

#10

Not much makes me uncomfortable.

But I try not to do anything that if my wife saw it on youtube would embarrass her.

I mean, aside from behaving like an idiot…

#11

Viperion, I think I’ve had done to me or had done myself everything that you have listed. As I see it one the strengths of larping is that you can be put into uncomfortable situations with an opt out option. This means that if you go along then you can gain insight into things you would not normally come up against in real life.

Personally, I cannot think of anything that would make me uncomfortable in larp. Furthermore, the larps that try to push that line are my favourite games. They teach me a little about myself or make me look at situations from a different perspective. Sometimes there are situations where you should be uncomfortable, but it is an opportunity to be in different situations in the safest fashion possible.

#12

(Why am I the only one who replied with a list? That was a pretty dumb move :stuck_out_tongue: )

I can do a lot of things in larps that I don’t do in real life - I pretty much just try and be as nice as possible IRL but enjoy playing characters (up to a point) with an edge on them that in reality I just don’t have. But I don’t have the sheer number of larp experiences you guys have and as a result there are still some things which although demonstratably not dangerous - after all everyone is just playing a game - would completely break character for me and want me to call “Time Out”.

#13

And you should always feel that you can do that. Definitely. Larp boundaries do change as you go along and get used to the situations and the people. I’m far more comfortable in certain larp situations with people I know well enough to mostly know where their boundaries and limitations are.

#14

[quote=“Viperion”][quote=“Aiwe”]Well, if you see any topless guys just look away :slight_smile:[/quote]I plan to :slight_smile: Unless they look more like Dutch than This Guy :wink:

[quote]Probably wouldn’t be any topless girls, as the one whose bra was accidentally ripped off last weekend game during the fight has now made a much more solid costume.[/quote]I hope not; that sort of thing is just embarrassing for all involved, or should be, IMO

Viperion[/quote]

Did someone name my nationality? =D. (Looks at the “Dutch” link) Oh… Nevermind that.

Anyway, I would be uncomfortable if I had to be

  1. On a high, steep place that doesn’t look safe (A form of fear of heights I guess =3)

  2. Someone suddenly gets really close to me (As in, hugging 'n stuff) Though I can ignore that… I hope =3.

  3. When an army comes running straight at me, but yea, that’s just shear terror, and awesome =D.

So only number one is really valid.

#15

As a former actress, dominatrix, and burlesque dancer there isn’t much that makes me uncomfortable, besides being restrained and left alone without OOC being told that might happen… and being purposely urinated on without being told OOC that it was going to happen… but then again I think I’m rather a rare case…

#16

I’m pretty sure formal public speaking would make me uncomfortable in most situations. However, it’s really the choice thing. Not having the option/opportunity to say no would make me uncomfortable. With that option not a lot does… but I’d still use it to exercise my right not to speak in public. :wink:

#17

Lots of things make me uncomfortable; however, the order of that set is dwindling bit by bit as time passes.

I’m of the mind that if I’m uncomfortable with something, it’s an opportunity to push my boundaries and grow. Feelings of discomfort may mean I don’t react quickly enough to get in on it (which often leads to regret later on), but they will never make me consciously choose to avoid something. After all, the only way to become comfortable with something is just to do it a bunch of times - if I let a little apprehension stop me, I’d never have taken up LARPing in the first place.

The only exceptions to this are kissing (being kissed would probably be fine, but I would not do it myself) and full-on sexual content - those are boundaries I’m not willing to push with just anyone :wink:
Those are a moot point anyway though, given that they’ll likely never come up.

#18

[quote=“grrrlshapedthing”]and being purposely urinated on without being told OOC that it was going to happen…[/quote]I would imagine that most people would be uncomfortable with being urinated upon. Fortunately, I don’t think its something that’s likely to come up at a LARP around these parts. At least I really really hope not.

I would be quite uncomfortable with some sort of public performance, or impromptu public speaking, since I’m not a performer at all, and can’t think quickly enough to give an off-the-cuff speech.

Otherwise, there’s actually a lot of things that would make me uncomfortable I think - you’d have to give me a specific situation before I could really give you a good answer. I seem to be a bit more conservative than many LARPers in many regards really. Although, bizarrely enough, when Nazis have popped up in games over the years, I’ve seemingly been far more comfortable with it than many people (now what the heck does THAT say about me? :confused: )

#19

Actually, my wife ran this larp many years ago where we got turned to stone for 100 years (we had a break in the middle). When we started the second game, we started as statues and in a clearing. We had our eyes closed and these goblins came into the clearing, drew mustachios on the statues, one of them came up behind me, I heard him unzip his fly and then the warm splash as he pissed all down my leg along with the sigh of relief…

…turned out later it was a squeezie bottle of warm water. But it felt very real at the time.

#20

That is exactly why I asked the question. We have many new people joining the larp fun, and I would rather find that someone may be not quite ok with me shaking my breasts in front of their face while dancing, than doing it assuming it may be fine and then making them feel uncomfortable. And it’s not just the experience, some things are just there as part of personality, so if five years of larping later you still feel same way, it’s totally fine.
We want it to be fun for all. As Kara said, calling Time Out when really needed is fine. Plus, you don’t have to do it big and loud while roleplaying a small scene with someone in the corner of the tavern, you just make the OOC gesture and tell them your reason, like “Sorry, I am not comfortable with this kind of talk”.

I feel same way about many people, usually I just shift away a little and it’s fine, but in the first Teonn weekend game I sometimes had to physically shift them away from me :confused: That was an unsanctioned physical contact thing (not really pushing, but something similar) but I didn’t care because I felt really uncomfortable when I stepped away myself first and they kept following very close, so I hoped this would make them understand, and it did. But that’s a rare case, usually things are not going that far. However, if they do, don’t hesitate to make an OOC call to the person.

If you are talking about this April’s Nazis they were pretty hot, so it’s fine to be attracted to them… oh wait… maybe not for you… :open_mouth:

This kind of thing would anger me a lot if someone tried to roleplay it to me, and it would make me feel so uncomfortable that I would possibly avoid interacting with this person in case they do something like that again. Would certainly ruin the mood for playing :cry: