I am Bored.....Joke Week :D

Right I will get the ball rolling

A blind man walks into a bar, makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender. “Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair that you should know five things.

Number One. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

Number Two. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

Number Three. I’m a six-foot-tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

Number Four. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

Number Five. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

She concludes by smugly asking, “Now think about it seriously, mister.
Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five fucking times.”

I’ve heard the same joke, only about Australians.

Q: Why did God create men?
A: Because vibrators can’t mow the lawn.

Q: How many men does it take to make popcorn?
A: Four, one to hold the pot, and three to act macho and shake the stove.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

"Woman without her man is nothing."
The men said: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women said: “Woman, without her, man is nothing.”

Please make all comments in Joke form thank you

How to Impress a Woman
Wine her, Dine her, Call her, Hug her,
Hold her, Surprise her, Compliment her,
Smile at her, Laugh with her,
Cry with her, Cuddle with her,
Shop with her, Give her jewelry,
Buy her flowers, Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,
Go to the end of the earth and back for her.

How to Impress a Man
Show up naked.
Bring beer.