Congratulations! You have been selected to serve the homeland in its on-going struggle for justice! You will enjoy the camaraderie of your fellow soldiers as you serve to protect the homeland against the eternal threat of foreign aggression!
You are required to report for duty on April 19, 2015 at: Brookfields Scout Camp, Wainuiomata. The location has been chosen for its inspiring setting, which will no doubt encourage you to serve with the ethos of the homeland’s glorious military forces: “Duty. Loyalty. Justice”
Attached is an information sheet about your upcoming military service. Pay careful attention to it. It contains vital information.
During your military service you will be required to wear plain black clothing. Infraction of uniform regulations weakens the homeland and may result in a disciplinary tribunal.
Information about your exact role in the homeland’s glorious defence forces will be provided during your service period. There will be a brief training session at the beginning which will enable you to adopt your role.
Please do not talk about your military service with anyone, even family members or loved ones. Enemies of the homeland are everywhere. Silence Is Defence.
If you believe an error has been made and you wish to appeal this decision, please contact hydralarpconvention@gmail.com immediately. They will give your appeal the attention it deserves. You may then be assigned to a punishment unit where you will slaughter each other for the entertainment of the masses, or a secret and dangerous mission against unnatural forces. If you survive, your duty to the homeland will be considered discharged.
[NAME REDACTED]
Recruitment division
Homeland Defence Forces